I feel like literally every suggestion in this thread is exactly the sort of thing I posted about not liking. Reactive design that answers a specific threat while making the decks that run it worse relative to the field. Was my post unclear or too long to bother reading? Do people just not agree with my thinking on the subject? If not, that's completely fine, but I'd be interested in a discussion about where we differ.
How do you design a spell to interact with Shops in a meaningful way that isn't the point of the card? If the point is to make a balanced card that does ANYTHING useful, it just dies to the spheres (if not Revokers). Sure, you can use the cycling ability to do something perhaps, but again you're basically cheating at that point.
Same, thing for hosing the other dominant archetype: blue draw spells. Force of Will plus Swords to Plowshares is such a huge wall of idea-stopping that nothing subject to either can be considered a hoser. I mean, they printed unkillable Squee just now at 3 mana as a 1/1, I believe. It would have to be what - a 4-power creature with the same abilities to be relevant, and even then FoW and StP might be able to tempo it out.
So no, any legitimate contender to what you're looking for can't use the stack, otherwise FOW or Spheres will deny hoser status, however subtle it may have been crafted to be.